CWRPS fic: What Texas Guys Do When They're Bored... (Jared/Jensen, R)
me: http://blogs.trb.com/network/cwsource/
himura: ....
I don't write
and I especially don't write rps
so obviously you should write something and call it 'what Texas guys do when they’re bored…'
me: ...you are on a slippery slope here


i.

"Harley is not big enough to ride," says Jared.

"Not for you to ride," says Jensen. "You're gigantic. But, see, I'm svelte."

"Muscle weighs more than fat," says Jared. "Your words can't hurt me. And you're not riding my dog."

"Well then, we're getting a horse," says Jensen.

"Is this your way of reasserting your masculinity after that cowboy photo shoot? Because I'm pretty sure it's too late. Like, ten years too late. You would have to go back in time and kill your manager, your photographer, and possibly yourself to get your masculinity back after that."

"If I killed myself in the past I wouldn't exist to travel back in time and kill myself, douche bag," says Jensen. "Why were you looking at my 90s photo shoots?"

"Please, like you don't have every picture of me ever taken on your computer in a secret folder called 'my one true love,'" says Jared loftily.

"No way, man. Yours are in 'my bit on the side,' Jim's are 'my one true love.' You suck at this game."

"Does Jim have modeling pictures?" asks Jared.

Jensen pauses for a minute to think about this. "Dude, you know Jim did a shirtless cowboy shoot back in the seventies."

"And he's still trying to reassert his masculinity to this day," says Jared, shaking his head. "Whatever, man. I don't care if we don't have a horse. You're not riding my dog like a bronco."

"You suck at being from Texas."

"Your mom sucks at being from Texas."

"Your mom could totally ride Harley like a bronco."

Jared gives him the finger.


ii.

"That's a pillow fort," says Jensen. He's not fully dressed yet, hasn't had his coffee, doesn't have his contacts in. And Jared is somehow already awake enough to have 1) made a pillow fort and 2) started attacking him from it.

"It's the Alamo," says Jared.

"I can't tell if you're drunk or just insane," mutters Jensen.

Jared throws another balled up sock at him. "It's noon on a Sunday."

"Exactly," says Jensen, throwing the sock back. "You know I win this battle, right?"

"I'm changing history."

"Yeah, cuz what really would have helped at the Alamo is their stronghold being made out of your couch."

"Davy Crockett wishes he was as badass as me."

"He's dead. He probably just wishes he was alive."

Jared considers. Jensen can picture exactly what he looks like even though, given he's inside his fort, he can't actually see him. "Man, zombie Davy Crockett would be awesome."

Jensen considers this. "Fuck yeah."

After he gets his coffee, he crouches down and joins Jared in the fort. It's cramped and hot and his whole right side is pressed up against Jared, and that don't have anything to do in there, given no one else is home. But they stay there until the dogs come in and jump on the pillows.


iii.

The real reason Jensen periodically feels the need to reassert his masculinity is that all of his friends from home make fun of him endlessly for living with his male costar. Which Jensen guesses is kind of fair--it makes sense to him and Jared, but he and Jared are kind of a world unto themselves at this point. They spend so much time together, they've developed their own language, their own little bubble with its own unique logical standards.

So it makes total sense that they live together, unless you're a normal person.

"Man, you guys are, like, a step away from being those two dudes from Brokeback Mountain," his friend Hugo tells him on the phone.

"Those guys didn't live together," Jensen points out. "Also, they have wives. And then one of them dies."

There's a long pause. "Really? All I got was gay cowboys."

Jensen thinks it probably wouldn't help his case if he admits he watched it with Jared. "Yeah, uh," he coughs. "It had kind of a complicated plot."

"Whatever, gaywad," says Hugo. "You better invite me to the wedding."

In retrospect, Jensen thinks, with the whole Brokeback thing, maybe cowboy wasn't the best way to assert his masculinity.


iv.

"Drinking contest!" says Jared.

"What?" asks Jensen. "Why?"

"Dude, you need a reason?" asks Jared. "I've got tequila. And Corona chasers."

"Your chaser is supposed to be non-alcoholic, you dumbass."

"If you're a girl."

"You're pretty much a girl. Have you seen your hair?"

"Have you seen my dick?"

Jensen considers this. "It's hard to see it when it's always stuck in my ass."

Jared chokes, which Jensen considers a personal victory.

"Come on, man, where's your Texas pride?" asks Jared. "Tequila and Corona!"

"Not everything is about my Texas pride," grumbles Jensen.

Jared pours him a shot, fills it to the brim. "This is. Drink up, bitch."

Jensen sighs. "Yeah, I wouldn't want to lose my manhood."

"Well, whatever you've got left after those cowboy pictures."

"Seriously, what is with you and those cowboy pictures?"

Jared grins and tips back his shot.

"You were adorable, man," says Jared.

Jensen doesn't have a response to that, so he downs his shot, chases it with the Corona, and tries to ignore Jared's eyes on him.


v.

Three shots later, Jared's tongue is in Jensen's mouth and Jared's hand is down Jensen's pants.

"Is this about my Texas pride too?" asks Jensen, gasping for breath.

"Nah, it's about your need to ride shit."

"I'm not being the cowgirl," says Jensen petulantly.

"You can wear a hat," says Jared.

"Well," says Jensen, "when you put it like that."